


birthday at ihop

by alraunechan



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, happy birthday my son, pls don't read this omg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 19:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3867844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alraunechan/pseuds/alraunechan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a magical birthday for toreep and his hunny</p>
            </blockquote>





	birthday at ihop

“Happy Birthday, Cummy Bear!”  
Your bootylicious, blond bae slammed your bedroom door open at 6 in the morning.

He was wearing that really slutty tigger onesie you got him for Christmas, you know, the one with the holes where the nipples are.

“What the fuck, Weerus?”  
You yell at him and throw that fucking stupid body pillow with a picture of 4-year old Aobooty on it at him. It has so many cumstains but, like, whatev, YOLO, they’re medals of honor or some shit.

“Come on, Big Papa, it’s your 85th birthday.”  
You’re probably gonna be ded soon.

“I made breakfast, but I, like, accidentally shoved it in my ass so you’re gonna have to eat me out.”  
So you do and it’s fucking fruit loops complete with a bowl of milk. In his ASS. Breakfast of champions, motherfuckers.

It’s literally 420 blaze it and, like, you missed work cuz breakfast took literally a year. Shit. Wait, What the fuck do you even do??? Do you have a real job????

Oh my god, then the tv turns on out of NOWHERE and Power Rangers MegaForce is on FUCK YES. You’re gonna sit your goddman bubble butt down and pretend you’re the blue ranger, you majestic DRAGON.

FUCKING HELL THERE HE IS THAT CUNTBABY. Weeaboo is TOTALLY naked in front of YOUR tv and you can’t fucking see Power Rangers. OH MY GOD Y??

“Hayy BB, lemme jiggle your mcnuggets,” he sings sweetly into your ear.

But he’s soooo hawt, you don’t even KNOW so you turn into a GODDAMN FURBY RIGHT THERE ON THE COUCH and make sweet, sweet Furby-Love to that almond-milk booty so hard you turn back time and now there are dinosaurs everywhere and NO POWER RANGERS WORST BIRTHDAY AMIRITE.

So now you’re a Furby and Wilma is a tennis racket and there’s seventeen T-Rexes eating cap’n crunch what the FUCK happened to your fruit loops. Oh shit Godzilla is here, too, so your birthday is saved.

Or so it seemed.

TOE IS MOTHERFUCKING MECHAGODZILLA. shit.

This is the most epic battle of your life. You take your Furby ass straight to that wrinkly (?) metal face and I’M CHARGIN MA LAZERS and shoot unicorn semen from your eyes into his monocle so he EXPLODES. OH MY GOD YOU DID IT YOU SAVED EARTH.

Now you’re a hero and you live in the White House and people are calling you OBAMA?????

There’s a statue of Captain America in DC (HUEHUEHUEHUE) in your honor.

Happy Birthday, my son.

**Author's Note:**

> *walks into the room with a huge toreep cake* HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR *looks at smudged writing on hand* TRUNKS HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU


End file.
